there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
