God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
