I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize