I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
