can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at about main and main street
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
