the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
