woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
