he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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