I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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