not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My cat gives me a boner
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
