Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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