I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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