I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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