Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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