he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
