I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
