May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize