I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
