Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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