just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize