ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
