i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize