I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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