she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
