did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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