Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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