You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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