good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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