there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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