Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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