pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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