my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
tell me about the eggs
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