Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everything about him screamed your future.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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