Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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