Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please come you make the beer taste better
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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