I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
