What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
