dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
