There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I enjoy the company of your penis
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
