ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
