Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize