you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
