Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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