I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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