i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
