lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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