The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
