Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you had me at cake vodka
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
