Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
