Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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