Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
