We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
