handjob tips. give me some.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
