There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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