So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
