I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
