last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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