Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
