There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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