I must be too annoying 4 u.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
