walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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