I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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