Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
