I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize