i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize