Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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